Wednesday, April 18, 2012
The older I get, the easier it seems to be content, however, maintaining peace in my heart is tricky, especially when the phone rings and all of a sudden my sweet, peaceful morning spent painting goes kaput. To watch loved ones who are younger and trying hard to make it in their chosen lives, take a hard fall, robs me of my peace. Having to watch someone you desperately love suffer is one of life's most intense emotional pains. How do we survive each others turmoils? No wonder so many suffer alone because we don't want to upset anyone. We become isolated. Like that lone lost sheep Jesus goes after. I try to remember that Jesus is close to the brokenhearted. He hears their cries. This reassures me and I truly believe. However, my body is slow to grasp these words of Truth. I notice this by the fact that I'm not breathing, I can't eat and I feel my entire body slowing down, almost to stone. The Lord has said many times not to fear, but to trust. Okay, He said this so it must be possible not to fear, think the worse, croak under the pressure of exaggerated anxiety. I remember our priest speaking about Our Lady at the foot of the cross, how she must have recalled all the things in the past that God did, so that now, faced with this unspeakable pain, she was able to reassure herself that God is real, He is with her. Maybe she recalled how she became with child in the first place........"yes, that really happened via God", she may have thought. "Yes, my Son will rise again, I believe". Did she instantly feel fabulous? No. It takes time and that reminds me, "Wait, wait upon the Lord." I think back on times when I thought my world was coming to an end only to find out that it was a new beginning, much better than I could have ever imagined. Trust, trust, trust. Stand firm, keep faith! My loved ones belong to God. Period. And, could it be that the rough road they have to travel is the very road necessary for their redemption? I bet it is. Sometimes we have to get out of the way and let God drive. In this one Litany, it says, "Mother of Risk". I understood that when I faced my son's death. When we love someone, they are out there walking around with our heart. A couple weeks ago, I was praying hard for this person and I reminded the Lord that they were walking around with my heart and I understood Him to say, "And Mine." Difficulties pass just as great times pass. We need to keep our eyes fixed on Heaven and accept the trials here below as gifts because how could God let us suffer if it wasn't necessary for our sanctification and to get us to Heaven? I'm a blessed soul, for I totally believe God and His Word. No doubt whatsoever in my mind, heart, body or soul. I completely believe and yet, I have fear issues. I'm praying for the ability to keep my imagination under control and in the realm of facts! Trust, trust, trust. Home, home, home. That's what my dad said when a nurse asked him how his Thanksgiving went. He was in a nursing facility at the time and was able to go home for the holiday. These words have stuck with me these past 12 years. They direct me. Trust God and keep eternity (home) in mind, always.
Posted by Mercer's Daughter at Wednesday, April 18, 2012