By waiting and by calm you shall be saved, in quiet and in trust your strength lies.          Isaiah 30:15

 

For Nancy

My heart is breaking for my sweetest friend Nancy has passed away 4/19.2015.  She had a major stroke while we were at mass.  We found her laying in the pasture alive, but not able to get up and she continued to have seizures.  As the day wore on, we knew we had to call the vet to come out and put her to sleep.  A thunderstorm was approaching and I wasn't going to let her get rained on.  It was one of the most difficult experiences in my life.  A chapter has been closed, not only for Nancy and me, but for my daughter and her childhood.  Nancy was a huge part of my child's life, she taught my daughter, myself and my family many life giving lessons.  She was a friend, mother, protector and teacher.  I am grateful for each and every day I was blessed to share in her life over the years.

Suffering is salvific

Not knowing what to do, how to help, fight for and rescue a loved one from the grips of illness tests my faith.  It makes me think about how difficult it really is to let go and allow God to be God.  My thoughts run amok and take my heart for a roller coaster ride.  I become exhausted and find myself crying when doing the dishes, folding clothes, sweeping the floor or staring out the window.

I have said goodbye to quite a few loved ones and each time I am presented with another goodbye, all the previous ones come back to add their tears and memories to the present.

This is part of loving someone.  Saying yes to God, "I'll take this one home".....until You really take her home.

I think a person who would read this would think I am talking about a human's demise, not a horse.  Until I owned a horse, I would have never understood why anyone would give so much of themselves to an animal.  I am convinced that having animals in my life has taught me a lesson about love that I would have never learned any other way.

When you drive down the road and see cows, sheep, horses, dogs, cats, birds; what do you see?  I see feelings, personalities, cares and concerns, preferences of food, babies wanting their mommies, orneriness, freedom to fly and loving it. I see in animals what I see in people, a need to be loved, protected and cared for.

I was raised with hunters and my husband is a hunter.  Do I like this? No, not at all, but it has taught me to accept another's way even if I cannot understand it. I try not to assume my way is the right way because it makes sense to me.  We are all mostly ignorant, even when we think we know we often make ourselves ridiculous when we talk.

Bottom line?  There is a bottom line and that is: all we have is the Mercy of God and each one of us relies on that Mercy. I cannot say it is possible that this person or that person may not need His Mercy.  I see, we all need it, whether human or animal, it's all any of us really have.  And, based on my personal experience, that Mercy is a Gift from God and is called, Jesus.

When I say, "personal experience", that means what has occurred in my life has validated the Presence of Jesus, what I learn at Church or read in scripture also validates His Presence.   When I am at Mass, I feel: "Ah yes, it is YOU!!"  I recognize Him there in the Mass, because He is there in my barn, in my car, in my soul!  Everywhere, I recognize Him in scripture as well as in a stranger's face.  Same Guy, it's Him.

I'm going to be okay!  Sighing, I feel more centered after typing my feelings out on this computer.  I would have said all this in my journal, but I'm so tired I can't get up the energy to go find it, besides, Lacey is sound asleep on my lap.

Wishing Nancy would get better soon....................

Spending time in the barn every chance I get.  Brushing her, talking to her, trying to get her to eat and telling her over and over how much I love her.  I can't imagine life without Nancy in it.  She's been such a strong friend to me.  I've been with her almost every single day for years and years.  I promised God I would take care of her for Him.  Nancy was trained to give handicapped children horse back rides and riding lessons.  She was the legs for many children who could not walk or run but could fly like the wind on her back.  She was so gentle, such a good mother.  A good mother to my own child who in turn became a good mother to her 3 children.
I have learned so much from her and I will carry her in my heart for the rest of my life.  I believe our animals are in Heaven, I know God's love is so great, He would never create just to let die.  Many argue that, but no one will ever convince me otherwise because I prayed to God about this.  If I have a question, I ask Him!!  He's my Father for Heaven's sake.
He assured me.
I have peace about where she will go, I just hate separation that death brings into our lives. 
One day at a time.  I keep telling myself.  Maybe tomorrow, she'll be better and may snap out of this bad spell. 
I tried to give her some molasses water today, yesterday, jello water.  I also tried to give her a cupcake, but no.  At least she did drink a little water and eat a little hay today.
So, yes, much of my life is revolved around my pets.  They need me and I can't be any other way.

Hello from Oliver

Oliver
 
My youngest grandson, Oliver loves to smile and warms my heart!

 

S

Phoebe!  Our newest member of the family.

We welcome each new gift of life God sends our way. 


"Keep attention in yourself and keep only one standard in your mind-to please God in everything, both great and small.  Then life itself will teach you to discern clearly and see through the wiles of the enemy."

     _Fr. Lorenzo Scupoli



(Fr. Scupoli (1610 was a Theatine priest from Italy and a spiritual author. Information regarding Fr. Scupoli from the March issue of the Magnificat magazine).


Peace be with you♥

 

Winter Retreating

Winter weather, I actually love it for the most part.  It gives me permission to stay indoors and experiment/play with dyeing muslin in teas, herbs and coffee concoctions.  Even used sassafras bark which created a warm copper color.  Dried the muslin in the sun, hanging them on just about anything in my house that would offer itself up for this job.
Peaceful days, quiet and if there is sunshine all the better.
Not busy with art work.....because?
Because I just can't make myself pick up a brush and create a picture.
Will I ever again? Probably, and I intend to, but when, I don't know.

 
 
 
 
 
 

For now, I am busy putzing around, sewing primitive type articles, reading some of my old, old craft books and reminiscing about days gone by when I spent time cross stitching on the back porch while sipping on ice tea, listening to my horses and watching birds flutter in the trees next me. 

I need to get back to that place again.  Create something with no intention whatsoever of selling it.
Create homey things again, for my own nest.







The temperatures come what may, that will not determine the worth of my day!

 
 

 

 

 

Frozen pastures