Summer blues

It seems like every summer I get SADS "seasonal affective disorder syndrome".  Most folks get it in the winter, I know.  But, alas, it is here in full bloom like the algae in Lake Erie.  I have tried to deal with it the best I can by remembering what I have learned from past episodes.  Even praying is difficult but I trudge onward.  
I have these wild and ferocious ideas to just scrap everything in my art studio and have a huge bonfire and experience total freedom.
I imagine myself doing this in a fit of rage and then having a huge cry afterwards that would last for hours.  Drama queen.
I have not followed through with this self made path of destruction and fall back on trying my best to imitate the virtues of Our Lady.  I can't see Her having a coniption fit, but I can see Her waiting out the storm doing something constructive that would help others. 
That other voice in my head says, "yeah, but that is all you do now: cooking and cleaning.
It does seem like that is all I do, but I have to remember to do little things with great love and to remember what Blessed Mother Theresa said about how it all comes down to you and God at the end of the day
.
"So, what did you do with your day today?"

I sat and stared out the window,
I tried to pray and read Your Book,
I watched reruns of the Housewives of Orange County, Jersey, and some other locations I can't recall,
I spoke grumpy to my husband and looked for everything wrong in what he did today, and brought it to his attention,
I asked You to have patience and pity for me and apologized a few times for being such a wreck,
I worried about money,
I did notice how blessed I am but ruined it with how soon it could all change for the worse,
in the end I accept this phase as from Your Hands and trust You with it and wonder what it is You are teaching me.
I miss our priest who is on retreat and haven't been to daily mass in his absence yet, take good care of him please.
So, basically, that is what I have done with my day.

"Remember when you asked Me if I loved mosquitoes?  I said yes, I do because they have always done what I made them to do: be mosquitoes."


You made all things for Jesus and He holds it all together for our sake.  I'll try not to make His job any harder.  Tomorrow is a new day and another chance to be a better me.  Love you,
me.

Stay

 Every morning, after feeding the horses, I make a trip out to my garden.  Sometimes, I write with my gloved finger a message to Our Lady.  From me to Her.  I usually have something on my heart I need to go over with Her.
For a long while now I have felt like our country is at war, within itself.  Seems like now, children are committing serious crimes and as well are victims of serious crimes.
Everything is a grievous mess.  I wrote the word "stay" on the bench in front of Our Lady's statue.  Imagining Her looking down from Heaven, reading it.  I was pleading with Her not to stop appearing in Medjugore, not to give up on us and I reminded Her of Her promise not to abandon us on this journey.
After kneeling and praying a Hail Mary, I rose up and went to walk away to continue with the morning chores and I felt a gentle nudge at my soul saying to me: "Stay with Me, do not give up on Us, do not abandon your faith.  Stay!"

Yes Mother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I WILL stay!!!!!! I will NOT give up on Heaven and I will NOT abandon my faith!!!  I will stay and fight for God as long as He allows me to breathe!!!!

A new surge of hope filled my entire being and I felt encouraged and ready to serve with less questions, just actions of love.  That is how we serve, in humility, simplicity.....acts of love and kindness.  Just like the song says, "Trust and Obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, than to trust and obey."

MESSAGE OF FEBRUARY 25, 2013 from Our Lady:
"Dear Children! Also today I call you to prayer. Sin is pulling you towards worldly things and I have come to lead you towards holiness and the things of God, but you are struggling and spending your energies in the battle with the good and the evil that are in you.  Therefore, little children, pray, pray, pray until prayer becomes a joy for you and your life will become a simple walk towards God.  Thank you for having responded to my call".

You can always count on your family to give you new gray hairs on a regular basis.  No need to look for a place to learn about how to become stronger and better at being who God called you to be.

Listening is so important!!!!  I just read in the book "The Art of Loving" by Eric Fromm, that when we do not listen well to the other person, we tire easily, but if we DO listen, we are not exhausted and even sleep better.
I look at my grandson and my swells with hope and gratitude.  I love to just watch him as he goes about my house discovering what he can get into.  He's ALL boy!
What a gift!
Even though he isn't talking (he's only 11 months old), he has a lot to say.  He can fill me with so much joy, just with his big grins.
Everything gets put on hold when he comes to visit!

Meet George

Meet George the newbie. He's a year old and this is as big as he gets. Nancy (the big horse) is not quite thrilled with him yet, but I'm hoping she will adopt him into her heart as she has in the past with other animals. It's been about a month now and George is still getting in trouble now and then. Nancy makes a sound like a dinosaur which I find upsetting, but I guess she knows what she is doing. Meanwhile, Elle and I have been working on some new paintings and experimenting with paint and sewing machine combos. I'm not sure where I'm going with this lamp on blue jean material tho!

Binky on my lampstand

Table tops are Mount Everest conquered everything, anything must be moved (by him or me) put him down to crawl, pointing him in the direction of places less adventurous, which doesn't work for longer than 15 seconds. Wilma and Fred's BamBam comes to mind. So, when he goes home, I yell "Timber!" and crash. Next morning over coffee I see his forgotten binky. I think to myself, what a treasure God has given me! The most costly interior decor could never light a candle to that binky of my lampstand. Blessed be my little Henry♥

Hearts Opened and Lessons Learned

April 25, 2012 - Our Lady's Message to Her children: "Dear Children, Also today I am calling you to prayer and may your heart, little children, open towards God as a flower opens towards the warmth of the sun. I am with you and I intercede for all of you. Thank you for having responded to My call." Our Lady has answered my prayer for a couple young people who were on the brink of disaster. She pulled them back from the edge of heartache. I see so much good that has come out of this recent struggle. My faith is stronger and I love more deeply. Praised be Jesus!

Trust, trust, trust, Home, home, home

The older I get, the easier it seems to be content, however, maintaining peace in my heart is tricky, especially when the phone rings and all of a sudden my sweet, peaceful morning spent painting goes kaput. To watch loved ones who are younger and trying hard to make it in their chosen lives, take a hard fall, robs me of my peace. Having to watch someone you desperately love suffer is one of life's most intense emotional pains. How do we survive each others turmoils? No wonder so many suffer alone because we don't want to upset anyone. We become isolated. Like that lone lost sheep Jesus goes after. I try to remember that Jesus is close to the brokenhearted. He hears their cries. This reassures me and I truly believe. However, my body is slow to grasp these words of Truth. I notice this by the fact that I'm not breathing, I can't eat and I feel my entire body slowing down, almost to stone. The Lord has said many times not to fear, but to trust. Okay, He said this so it must be possible not to fear, think the worse, croak under the pressure of exaggerated anxiety. I remember our priest speaking about Our Lady at the foot of the cross, how she must have recalled all the things in the past that God did, so that now, faced with this unspeakable pain, she was able to reassure herself that God is real, He is with her. Maybe she recalled how she became with child in the first place........"yes, that really happened via God", she may have thought. "Yes, my Son will rise again, I believe". Did she instantly feel fabulous? No. It takes time and that reminds me, "Wait, wait upon the Lord." I think back on times when I thought my world was coming to an end only to find out that it was a new beginning, much better than I could have ever imagined. Trust, trust, trust. Stand firm, keep faith! My loved ones belong to God. Period. And, could it be that the rough road they have to travel is the very road necessary for their redemption? I bet it is. Sometimes we have to get out of the way and let God drive. In this one Litany, it says, "Mother of Risk". I understood that when I faced my son's death. When we love someone, they are out there walking around with our heart. A couple weeks ago, I was praying hard for this person and I reminded the Lord that they were walking around with my heart and I understood Him to say, "And Mine." Difficulties pass just as great times pass. We need to keep our eyes fixed on Heaven and accept the trials here below as gifts because how could God let us suffer if it wasn't necessary for our sanctification and to get us to Heaven? I'm a blessed soul, for I totally believe God and His Word. No doubt whatsoever in my mind, heart, body or soul. I completely believe and yet, I have fear issues. I'm praying for the ability to keep my imagination under control and in the realm of facts! Trust, trust, trust. Home, home, home. That's what my dad said when a nurse asked him how his Thanksgiving went. He was in a nursing facility at the time and was able to go home for the holiday. These words have stuck with me these past 12 years. They direct me. Trust God and keep eternity (home) in mind, always.