Friday, July 19, 2013

Summer blues

It seems like every summer I get SADS "seasonal affective disorder syndrome".  Most folks get it in the winter, I know.  But, alas, it is here in full bloom like the algae in Lake Erie.  I have tried to deal with it the best I can by remembering what I have learned from past episodes.  Even praying is difficult but I trudge onward.  
I have these wild and ferocious ideas to just scrap everything in my art studio and have a huge bonfire and experience total freedom.
I imagine myself doing this in a fit of rage and then having a huge cry afterwards that would last for hours.  Drama queen.
I have not followed through with this self made path of destruction and fall back on trying my best to imitate the virtues of Our Lady.  I can't see Her having a coniption fit, but I can see Her waiting out the storm doing something constructive that would help others. 
That other voice in my head says, "yeah, but that is all you do now: cooking and cleaning.
It does seem like that is all I do, but I have to remember to do little things with great love and to remember what Blessed Mother Theresa said about how it all comes down to you and God at the end of the day
"So, what did you do with your day today?"

I sat and stared out the window,
I tried to pray and read Your Book,
I watched reruns of the Housewives of Orange County, Jersey, and some other locations I can't recall,
I spoke grumpy to my husband and looked for everything wrong in what he did today, and brought it to his attention,
I asked You to have patience and pity for me and apologized a few times for being such a wreck,
I worried about money,
I did notice how blessed I am but ruined it with how soon it could all change for the worse,
in the end I accept this phase as from Your Hands and trust You with it and wonder what it is You are teaching me.
I miss our priest who is on retreat and haven't been to daily mass in his absence yet, take good care of him please.
So, basically, that is what I have done with my day.

"Remember when you asked Me if I loved mosquitoes?  I said yes, I do because they have always done what I made them to do: be mosquitoes."

You made all things for Jesus and He holds it all together for our sake.  I'll try not to make His job any harder.  Tomorrow is a new day and another chance to be a better me.  Love you,