Friday, March 27, 2009
I read somewhere without dirt, flowers cannot grow. I relate to this.
Something wonderful happened to me, something really wonderful. Ever since my son died, I've been plagued with horrific thoughts and images in my mind's eye. They've escalated over the years and taken form of crippling daytime nightmares. They became so real that my body reacted before I realized what was happening.
I was exhausted and agitated from this and feeling isolated as it seemed only I was dealing with this, while everyone else is busy chattering away, I'm sitting there seeing bloodshed and sensing my heart racing and my breathing stopped. A couple weeks ago on the way to Mass I asked my husband to pray for me during mass to help me with these visions, I told him I was exhausted. Exhausted in my mind, my spirit and my body. I was about at the end of my rope. This had been going on since 1987 and was progressively getting worse. When we go to mass, before it begins, we say prayers and just settle ourselves to quiet. I began praying to God about this problem of mine and I told Him there was no need to remind me to "not be fearful", that I may as well be told to go out and kiss the back end of a yellow Volkswagen rabbit. That's what I was whispering in prayer, not my words tho. I sat back in my pew and my husband asked me what was the matter. I told him I thought God was trying to remind me not to forget humor. He said that made sense to him. We both chuckled. Later in the Mass, after Holy Communion, I did hear Jesus tell me, and no mistake about it, He said, "I see everything you see". I felt something inside me collapse, like a dark thick wall, just crumble into dust. I hadn't realized how all alone in my own private world of terror that played out in my mind I had been all these years. I didn't realize how isolated I felt from others, even if they were right beside me. I haven't had a problem since with this torment of mind stuff. I feel very happy and light inside my soul. It was a miracle, to me, that God healed me in such an intimate way and let me know He was in "it" with me, and always will be. I face nothing alone.
Nor do you, or anyone else.
I believe praying the Rosary and The Divine Chaplet helped pave the way to this healing.
A few days after all of this, I went to Confession and dumped out the rest of the trash that had gathered in the corners of my soul trying to grow mold.
"A clean heart, create in me, O Lord!"
Yes! a clean heart! Soul scrubbing can be wonderfully painful once you realized how sin had deadened you. Feeling the pain of cleaning is welcomed.
I'm grateful I feel the pain of remorse for my sins. Without that pain I don't think one can experience the joy of gratitude to Christ for our salvation. The elation of knowing you've been rescued, that you've not been forgotten or passed over because of your sins, that you were loved all along, reaffirms that being a part of the Body of Christ is truly LIFE.
Posted by Mercer's Daughter at Friday, March 27, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
My mother used to say that if your ears were burning someone was talking about you!
Oh my! our beloved pets certainly make us smile.
Elle is enjoying the warm afternoon sun and I couldn't resist the way her ears captured the sunlight.
Spring is here today! The sun makes me sleepy, too.
However, winter gives me more time to rest and now that rest is over as the outdoors need tending, let alone every single window in my house needs cleaned (and the screens).
Check out the honeysuckle bush, looks like a big hairy monster! But in a couple months at most, it will be beautiful.
And, if seen with wisdom, most things do become beautiful, if you give them time.
The end of this song, "Awesome God", there is the sound of people praising and rejoicing. Is that what Heaven sounds like when one of God's children returns home?
Posted by Mercer's Daughter at Friday, March 20, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
This past weekend I traveled to So. Ohio hoping to find new signs of spring. I certainly did find some.
Even smelled for a moment or two that familiar sweet alfalfa scent that is prominent in this area in spring. All things must have their season, have a chance to speak their mind, and then like melting snow, another view gets the podium.
Like my Jeep for instance, I loved that thing, but it's sold now in order to make funds for a better vehicle.
I get attached to my vehicles. They become a real friend to me. The Jeep was also an adventure to drive. I'll miss waving hello to all the other Jeep owners I passed in traffic. (Same thing happens if you drive a motorcycle. Most all motorcyclists wave. I think that's a hoot!)
Anyway, I'm thrilled my husband has a decent vehicle to drive to work and since I stay home and only drive a few miles a week, the Ford is fine and actually a safer vehicle. So all is well.
And now a word from St. Peter Chrysologus:
"Fasting is the soul of prayer, mercy is the lifeblood of fasting. So if you pray, fast; if you fast, show mercy; if you want your petition to be heard, hear the petition of others. If you do not close your ear to others, you open God's ear to yourself"
(Sermo 43: PL 52, 320.322).
Posted by Mercer's Daughter at Friday, March 13, 2009