Friday, July 27, 2007

Multifarious Spells

I presume the dry spell is over. I am grateful for the rain but I miss the sunny days we've enjoyed.
Speaking of spells I certainly go through my share. A while back, I could NOT get enough of M&M's. Then all of a sudden, didn't want any and haven't had any since. Still have an unopened bag saved (sentimental reasons). McDonald's iced coffee is my weakness now, but here's the bad news, our McDonalds is shutting down for 3 months to rebuild. It would take me about 30 minutes to get to another McDonalds, so forget it. There has got to be a ton of calories and fat in those drinks anyway. Besides, I can make my own.
I have an attachment to our McDonalds. I rarely eat the food, just the coffee is what I get via the drive thru. The ladies at the drive thru window during morning hours are so nice. I've always thought about how even though it's considered a menial job, so to speak, it is a perfect opportunity to feed souls. I mean, just get somebody to smile with a sincere comment. For me, they've always remarked how cute Ellie is and usually gave me cookies for her. This is the stuff we all need.
No, not cookies, sincere positive comments of kindness.
I used to create drawings on the outside of the envelope when I wrote to my mom.
They were comical and would get my mom to laugh. So, one day there was a note in my mailbox from our mail lady who said, "there is a good artist that lives here".
That compliment has stuck with me for years.
We have to hold on to the good things people say and do.
My current other spell is Oriental Mix from the Farmer's Market aka Giant Eagle.
Another one (you can have more than one spell occurring at one time), is watching for those new Dodge Chargers. I'm shocked at this! Maybe if I test drove one it would break the spell. I stopped and looked at one today which made me feel guilty when I saw my little blue jeep sitting there, all alone, looking rejected. I also looked at a Crossfire, okay, I confess........Ellie and I sat in it. The sales guy, Nate, who makes animals out of balloons for the kids at church, (seriously, he told me all about himself and two vehicles in less than 10 minutes), he wanted me to take it for a test drive. I said no that my dog would shed all over it and I was just looking, etc.
This was the very first time I've ever stopped to look at a car on a lot by myself in my entire life!
$24,000 would buy a piece of land and cars are bad investments.
When I got back inside my jeep I figured it was better to leave well enough alone and who needs car payments.
If I had one year to live? Yeah, I'd bought the Crossfire, no wait, the Charger but in Black.
Why not both?
Well, back to reality; it's time to get packed up to go to Marietta. We will be dragging our john deere tractor all the way so we can cut the grass. This is nuts!!!!!!! But! out of my control. Nice moths down there though! :)

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Enjoying Home

Have you ever brought home way too many books from the Library? I have. I knew when I selected them I would only briefly look at the photos. I even get panic attacks because I feel like everyone is thinking, "gee, what a glutton".
What is it that makes me take more books than I could possibly read in 2-3 weeks? Why do I do it?!!!
Knowing they will sit on my bedside table, barely touched, whilst all along someone else could have been learning something?
But no, they can't cause I've horded the book they need.
I think it's a form of greed which is fed by so many available and interesting choices. I want to learn everything, to make everything and to master each and every subject that interests me.
And it's not just the library. It's home, too. Yup. I confess I have 2,300,330 things I want to do on a daily basis and the things I do manage to do, I think....okay, it's greatly possible, I do them half ass.
I'd have to live 20,000 years to accomplish all the things I'd like to do and that's just here at home!
The reality is that this "need" causes me stress. I criticize myself for not getting things done, and done right. Then on top of all that, there is this life-long lie I've bought hook line and sinker that I am running out of time.
Well today, something caught my eye; a cut vase of flowers sitting on my kitchen counter. I don't know why, but it zapped me back to my childhood home. Maybe it was the way the sun was reflecting on it, but for a brief second I felt like I felt before I found out life was unfair. Just for a second, that's all it took.
Therefore, today I'm not going to bother about accomplishments. I'm going to take Elle and go for a walk around my yard, putz in my garden, check out spider webs, say hello to my fish and let go of all this crappy negative, no good crummy theory that getting things done/learned/worked, etc. makes me worthwhile.
I found this old post card I had made of our childhood home that had been mailed to mom and dad way back when. I miss that house. Thank goodness when I was a kid I was smart enough to enjoy it.

Monday, July 9, 2007

A Sacred Boat

My dad's boat has found it final resting place; in my garden next to the honeysuckle bush. I don't know how many years my dad had this boat, has to be around 30 years? He was so fond of this boat and he loved fishing. About two years before he passed away I just had to go fishing with him at Mogadore Lake in this boat one more time. There were physical challenges for us both. I'm a 120 pound weakling, he was an 82 year old man with dementia. I wanted him to be okay, to be his normal old self. I wanted to share some form of familiar reality that we both knew.
So, there we were out in the lake, just the two of us. I thought about how strange it was that he could not, or would not sit still. When I was a youngster, he had to tell me numerous times to sit still in this very boat. At one point his leg was wrapped in fishing line, his pole was about to fall overboard and he wanted to change his position, again, when he said, "this is like fishing in a phone booth!" That statement made me laugh, made him laugh and before I realized it, we did share a normal everyday moment.
I knew that experience was a gift to me. Years later it still warms my heart. I miss my dad so much.
Finally, a special thank you to my brother Randy for bringing dad's boat to me. Love you.