Friday, June 1, 2007

Depression's ugly head rises again

Somewhere along the way, I've allowed agitations to take hold and grow. Too many things take place in my life that I do not want, that doesn't feel right or makes me feel maniupulated. Speak up, you say? My totem animal is crow. That is one of the things I am supposed to do from crow's teaching; to speak up.
But, I remain quiet. If I had to describe this feeling, it is a dark corner where I cannot see clearly and my thoughts become unattached so much that I cannot remember if I wanted to say yes or no, or exactly what it was that sickened me into silence.
The resulting emotions pile up. My mind is a plugged toilet.
I hate it and I fall into a habit of withdrawing from people, family, friends, whoever, & I long to be alone so I can collect my thoughts.
I'm sure many people think negative thoughts like, "she's stuck up, she's rude, she has issues," and so on.
I'm none of those things!
My inner core longs to laugh and feel joy. It longs to be free and express itself in truth
My truth.
51 years old and still I struggle with this.
I think life should come with an eraser.
Okay, okay, enough self pity in public.
Here's Elle, looking as though she is saying, "what?" This sweet creature never fails to bring a smile to my face.

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