Saturday, July 14, 2007

Enjoying Home

Have you ever brought home way too many books from the Library? I have. I knew when I selected them I would only briefly look at the photos. I even get panic attacks because I feel like everyone is thinking, "gee, what a glutton".
What is it that makes me take more books than I could possibly read in 2-3 weeks? Why do I do it?!!!
Knowing they will sit on my bedside table, barely touched, whilst all along someone else could have been learning something?
But no, they can't cause I've horded the book they need.
I think it's a form of greed which is fed by so many available and interesting choices. I want to learn everything, to make everything and to master each and every subject that interests me.
And it's not just the library. It's home, too. Yup. I confess I have 2,300,330 things I want to do on a daily basis and the things I do manage to do, I think....okay, it's greatly possible, I do them half ass.
I'd have to live 20,000 years to accomplish all the things I'd like to do and that's just here at home!
The reality is that this "need" causes me stress. I criticize myself for not getting things done, and done right. Then on top of all that, there is this life-long lie I've bought hook line and sinker that I am running out of time.
Well today, something caught my eye; a cut vase of flowers sitting on my kitchen counter. I don't know why, but it zapped me back to my childhood home. Maybe it was the way the sun was reflecting on it, but for a brief second I felt like I felt before I found out life was unfair. Just for a second, that's all it took.
Therefore, today I'm not going to bother about accomplishments. I'm going to take Elle and go for a walk around my yard, putz in my garden, check out spider webs, say hello to my fish and let go of all this crappy negative, no good crummy theory that getting things done/learned/worked, etc. makes me worthwhile.
I found this old post card I had made of our childhood home that had been mailed to mom and dad way back when. I miss that house. Thank goodness when I was a kid I was smart enough to enjoy it.

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