Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Self Absorbed

To those of you who suffer with depression and are on lifetime medications, I salute you. I know first hand what a battle this is and the fatigue that lays flat as a rock on your mind. Today is one of those days that I look everywhere for answers, guidance and a grace to calm my busy as a bee mind.
Worry. Crippling Fears. What if's? These and all they entail are drowning me. I can't breathe properly. I tried to lay down and meditate to quiet my mind and think rationally but my dog kept licking my face and the kid down the street will just NOT park his 4 wheeler and give us all a rest from that blasted noise.
I know I don't have to be in the state of bliss in order for God to hear me. I know that usually, He comes to my rescue (albeit s l o w l y).
I know, I know, I know, but my hands are still trembling. My body will not cooperate.
What triggered this? The crappy news. Political tricks and organized crime within our stock market. Pack of liars and thieves.....or so it seems, how would we know? All we know is what they tell us. Okay, I must confess I added to my dilemma and drank way way too much coffee and ate about 6 pounds of sugar.
I have hanging in our west window, a prism. It gives me a rainbow every time the sun is out. Did you know there are 3 things that can happen to a light wave? It can be reflected, absorbed or transmitted. That's it.
I guess today, I am absorbed, self absorbed and unable to reflect or transmit God's light. I don't want to be like that! I want to be a reflection and transmit hope for crying out loud!
So, here's what I'm going to do: shuck corn for supper and that will become my prayer as I begin to prepare dinner for my family.
Baby steps.


Edie Rybkoski said...

Wow -- having a bad day -- been there --maybe instead of you bringing hope to someone, it is their turn to bring hope to you --everyone gets a turn --Love,Edie

Rosie's Whimsy said...

Hello dear Victoria! Sorry I have been absent. I too battle with the same things you talk about. A frightfully full summer....even though a lot of it was joyful ..... through me into a dark period that I am just emerging from.

I feel for you sweetie and know how hopeless one sometimes feels. Persevere dear girl .... look towards His light ..... talk to your doctor ..... and take care.

((hugs)) Rosie