http://worriersanonymous.org/Share/Oholynight.htm This video is so moving!

Everything thing matters!

It's a busy time of year for everyone and that leaves little time to blog!

I found this old oil painting I did in 1989. It was packed in a box with some books, way back in the remote areas of the attic.

I really like old decorations the best as they envoke such fond memories. I'm lucky, I know, that I have fond memories of Christmas, the sort that stay in your heart for life and serve as a reminder that you are loved and wanted.

Now, I'm deeply appreciative of all the time and trouble my parents and siblings put into this blessed holiday and realize the importance of Christmas devotions, and want to continue the tradition so that my daughter, nieces, and nephews can know they are loved and wanted.

If you make pretty things for the house, or take so much time and trouble to get the Christmas Ham.

Whatever your contribution is, never think it's not worth it. IT IS!!

The past 9 days

Everyday, I draw and write about my day in my journal. This week's entries were just crumbs.

Man, oh man. I've been in such a slump! It all started a couple days before Thanksgiving; feeling sluggish and uninspired. Then my daughter informs me she has a bad cold. I felt bad for her but darn it, if she would get proper rest she wouldn't keep bringing colds home for me to catch.

I had hadThanksgiving Day had all figured out Martha Stewart style, but when the day actually came my body said, "ah, no, it's going to be cranky style."

My daughter sniffled and the in-laws, well God love them, they make their own special sounds.

(just kidding mom and dad!!!!!!!!) yikes.

Everything grated on my nerves. Next day, I was so sick with a sore throat, fever and chills. I put on my winter knit hat, my dad's old sweater and wrapped myself up in a blanket to discover that daytime t.v. is trash.

Thanksgiving weekend, and following week were planned to be one of great accomplishments, because? because my husband went hunting for a week which means most of my domestic time eating chores were on the shelf for awhile and I would have had great and long spans of time to do projects.

Thank the good Lord for the Lawrence Welk Show, thats all I gotta say.

I live in the stone age don't forget.

Anywho, the entire week I was sick with a cold and felt rotten.

I cut my foot too, just a little.

My brother sent me a box of apples from Pennsylvania which I thought was the sweetest thing in the world and I do believe it got me over the hump.

Next day? I felt like my mood was a rain cloud stuck over my head and trying to drown me.

Today? I counted my blessings, my cold is on it's way out and I'm in a much better mood.

Woopeedoo.

I know, its big news.

When the coffee tastes best

Maybe it is from having a father who loved winter. My dad went ice fishing every day in the winter, hunted or went for walks. He saw winter as an adventure.

Or, maybe I remember how happy mom was when dad was out of the house all day!

Especially after he retired.

I love winter!!♥

It provides a peaceful quiet by keeping noisy people inside their homes and off their motorcycles and lawn mowers. It also keeps me inside where I can stay focused on a task rather than in summer when I'm torn between working in the garden or working in my studio.

A couple nights ago it had snowed most of the night and by morning the sky had cleared and a beautiful sunrise took over gradually making it's way to my house.

These treasures of winter would not be so lovely if I didn't have my family, a warm place to live, plenty of food to eat and little to worry about. To delight in simple every day things is much easier if your tummy is full and you are warm and safe. I know this, and I am grateful.

I do not take it for granted, or assume it will always be.

Before the ice is in the pools, Before the skaters go, Or any cheek at nightfall Is tarnished by the snow,

Before the fields have finished,Before the Christmas tree, Wonder upon wonder Will arrive to me!

-Emily Dickinson

I wish you an invigorating winter's walk, a warm and happy home to return to and a cup of hot coffee!

Feeling pretty in a new collar

Nora from http://miabaggali.etsy.com/ made this collar for me. Isn't it pretty?! I love it! These are all the rage in Ireland by the way. Not only are they pretty but the collars keep the neck warm and cozy. Pop over to Nora's shop and check out all her cool stuff.

Thanks Nora!!!!!!!!

Free diamonds

It is so much pleasanter, and wholesomer to be warmed by the sun while you can be, than by artificial fire. I thus warmed myself by the still glowing embers which the summer, like a departed hunter, had left. _Thoreau

Henry had been down by the pond, contemplating about the onslaught of winter while admiring the reflection of the late afternoon sun glimmering on the water's edge. And, over 160 years ago, he wrote these thoughts down on paper without a clue in the world I would be reading them in 2008 with tears in my eyes.

What's with the tears you say?

It touched my heart to vision a man sitting by the side of a pond falling in love with what God had made. I can see that water's edge and the invisioned embers left by the hunter. I'm not sure why this touches me so. Maybe it's like a mother's face, when she sees her newly born child for the first time. It could be too, the importance, the desperate need in these times, to see another person embrace and appreciate life, appreciate God and what's more, to learn from it and become a more gentle, humble and kinder human being for it.

Henry lived in a tiny house. He mostly ate beans and fish, or whatever he could scrounge up. He owned very little so his life and his mind were uncluttered.

Sometimes we can forget the most valuable diamonds in the entire world are the ones found on the water. And, if you are lucky enough to know this, you won't ever have to worry about a thief or some rust destroying this treasure.

Peace.

Advice from Henry

Thoreau's inner voice told him:

"Go fish and hunt far and wide day by day, farther, wider, and rest thee by many brooks and hearth-sides without misgiving. Remember thy Creator in the days of thy youth. Rise free from care before the dawn and seek adventures. Grow wild according to they nature....let not to get a living by thy trade, but by thy sport. Enjoy the land, but do not own it. We should come home from far, from adventures, and perils, and discoveries every day, with new experience and character".

That sounds good to me as I sit here munching on M&M's and sipping a McDonald's coffee, typing and knowing that this day, with it's blue blue sky and bright sun, will pass quickly.

I did venture into town, got birdseed and peoplefeed, did outside chores and cleaned up the house.

Yet, I still feel anxious.

It eases up when I go outside, so I think I'll cut this short. I just read in the paper that this is the time of year to hoe your garden, so the weeds do not have a chance to seed and spread, getting a toehold for next year.

The cabbage I planted way too late, can stay though, (for the sake of color.)

Did I tell you I painted my kitchen the color of a Granny Smith Apple?

Well, I did. It took a few days for me to honestly say it works.

And with regard to the election coming up, of which I am totally disgusted and sick of, I'll end with one more quote from Henry:

"I was never molested by any person but those who represented the State."

And that was 163 years ago.

Nothing's changed.

Keeping The Peace

I was out of town for a little while. I went where it's quiet and now that I'm back my nerves are a wreck, again. Getting a reprieve makes me notice just how much noise affects me, especially traffic and 4-wheeling teenage boys. I berate myself for not being more at inner peace and that in itself is a red flag. Who gives themselves hell for not having peace? Still, I miss the commune with nature, I miss nature having first say in my morning and setting the tone for the rest of the day. If I lived in a city, I'd be totally skitso. Just a hair from postal. Not nice.

I'm re-reading Thoreau, slowly and contemplatively. He quotes a Hindoo philosopher, "So soul, from the circumstances in which it is placed, mistakes its own character, until the truth is revealed to it by some holy teacher"

To me it means, if you are surrounded by chaos, be sure not to become part of the chaos.

Meanwhile back at the ranch: I had discovered a very interesting and informative blog,

HappyCatholic.blogspot.com, which is fueled by the energy of Jules D. I even won a book called "Angels and Wonders" by Joan Wester Anderson.

I can't wait to start reading! Thanks Jules!!

Oh that reminds me, she "tagged" me. I'm not a whiz at blogsville, so I'll give it a shot and try to answer,

4 Things Meme:

Four places I go over and over

1. The barn

2. The grocery store

3. The place in my mind that fears get out of hand

4. Prayer

Four places to eat:

1. My kitchen

2. McDonald's for coffee

3. CVS for Sugar Babies

4. Don Ponchos

Four books from the read pile:

1. Thoreau

2. Counting Coup

3. Poem of Man God

4. Angels and Wonders

Four people to tag:

1.,2.,3.,4., I've no idea & I'm pretty sure I suck at being tagged, sorry! lololo!!!!

I've added quite a few new paintings to the pile on mercersdaughter.etsy.com, painted most of them while I was at the cabin.

Soooooooo, I got that going for me. And finally, here's Miss Ellie Mae, the sweetest dog ever:

http://gmy.news.yahoo.com/v/10047788 this is so sweet. Thank you St. Francis!!!

Learning from our Elders

Besides doing art work and life, I'm reading, for the 2nd time, Walden & Other Writings of Henry David Thoreau. This guy was born 7/12/1817 and wrote this book in 1854. So, that gives you an idea how long people in our country have thought that our country is going to the dogs. I guess ever since it started! Henry took time out to live in the woods to reconnect with nature. He had time to think. It amazes me how what he commented on in 1854 is just about the same thing going on now in 2008.

"Sometimes we study to obtain more of things, and not study to be content with less?" He was referring to the things people stuff their house with. He said their homes are cluttered and defiled.

I like this: "I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion." I agree with good ole Henry on that one too.

Another book I'm reading for the first time is "Counting Coup" by Joseph Medicine Crow. Juliana from JulianasJammin.etsy.com gave me this book out of the goodness of her heart. I admire and respect Native Americans. There is much to learn from them. Joseph is the last traditional Crow chief, he was the first member of his tribe to earn a Master's Degree and he is the Crow's official historian. He tells the story of his life, which in my opinion was HARD and I'm only in the first part of the book, which covers his childhood.

Can you imagine telling your child, "hey, go bathe in the icy river". That's what he had to do.

Also reading the Poem of the Man God, Volume II (given to me by Edie♥). There are five volumes. It's an amazing work by Maria Valtorta and is about the life of Christ. In my own personal experience I found Jesus to be loving but strict. I don't mean to sound so simple, but I don't know how else to explain it. Anyway, in this work he gets right to the point.

He tells it like it is, yet always provides a way out should the listener choose to follow.

I was once asked what the main reason was/is for the New Testament. The answer was FORGIVENESS.

I think about this a lot.

Self Absorbed

To those of you who suffer with depression and are on lifetime medications, I salute you. I know first hand what a battle this is and the fatigue that lays flat as a rock on your mind. Today is one of those days that I look everywhere for answers, guidance and a grace to calm my busy as a bee mind.

Worry. Crippling Fears. What if's? These and all they entail are drowning me. I can't breathe properly. I tried to lay down and meditate to quiet my mind and think rationally but my dog kept licking my face and the kid down the street will just NOT park his 4 wheeler and give us all a rest from that blasted noise.

I know I don't have to be in the state of bliss in order for God to hear me. I know that usually, He comes to my rescue (albeit s l o w l y).

I know, I know, I know, but my hands are still trembling. My body will not cooperate.

What triggered this? The crappy news. Political tricks and organized crime within our stock market. Pack of liars and thieves.....or so it seems, how would we know? All we know is what they tell us. Okay, I must confess I added to my dilemma and drank way way too much coffee and ate about 6 pounds of sugar.

I have hanging in our west window, a prism. It gives me a rainbow every time the sun is out. Did you know there are 3 things that can happen to a light wave? It can be reflected, absorbed or transmitted. That's it.

I guess today, I am absorbed, self absorbed and unable to reflect or transmit God's light. I don't want to be like that! I want to be a reflection and transmit hope for crying out loud!

So, here's what I'm going to do: shuck corn for supper and that will become my prayer as I begin to prepare dinner for my family.

Baby steps.

Last of the Summer Wine

Somewhere in my attic there is a little felted orange pumpkin that this witch usually holds on to. If you would see this little stuffed pumpkin by itself, say on the floor somewhere, you would think, "what the harry is THAT?" Meantime, she has to hold a cheap, silk orange flower. Disgusting, I know.

And, besides watching fall approaching, enjoying the last warmths of summer, the last of the garden's blooms, one last watermellon and getting out my halloween favs, I'm trying to be a fabulous person before Santa checks his list. Yikes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dark Fun

To embrace an early summer morning, you must wake up really early, around 5am and go outside barefooted. Look about, listen and feel. It's so magical. I was so enthralled with looking at everything I almost walked face first into this spider's web!

The moon and fog changed the familiarity of my yard. Trying to figure what side of the fence that dark blob was...... I wasn't quite sure if that was Betty (the sheep), or a deer. Softly I spoke her name and she came near, then out of the fog, I could see Nancy (the horse) slowly walking towards us. They're so sweet and must have woke early too. May as well get their breakfast.

The barn was chock full of quiet. The birds who roost there must have been up early too getting that unlucky early worm.

I thought about how much I miss sleeping through these wee hours of the morning and missing years of experiences that are pleasant and stay with you, in a good way.

Every hour in the darkness holds it's own magic, doesn't it? I figure since the days go by so darn fast, why not get a hold of some of these other hours?

Oh yeah, I'm sleeping.

" The morning, which is the most memorable season of the day, is the awakening hour, at least, some part of us awakes which slumbers all the rest of the day and night."

_Henry David Thoreau

Buzzards and Toes:)

A group of buzzards have taken up residence in the woods behind our house and I am infatuated with them. I'm trying to get a decent up close photo of them in flight. This as close as I could get. I'm not coordinated enough to see them flying overhead, then capture that in the nick of time on camera.

I love how their shadows quietly zoom across the yard, usually my first clue they are about.

For the first time I've noticed the buzzards, crows and a hawk are sharing this wooded area. Usually it's just the crows.

You just got to adapt, that's all. Take shoes for example: when you get older, you can't tolerate certain types of shoes and I found that out today. I wore some high heeled pink very pointed shoes today knowing I would be on my feet for 4 hours.

Dumb, really dumb. I cannot THROW those shoes far enough!!!!!!!!!

Here's what I'm migrating towards:

Yeah! Engineer boots!!!!!!!! Woo hoo! These suckers cost $200 and are made in America by Frye.

And these, were made in who knows where but are enjoying their second summer on my feet.

Tonight I am going through my shoes and the really stupid ones are going in the trash.

Note to self: "I'm too old for pointy shoes"

Fighting Nature?

This is why I've not been blogging much of late; my yard is being overtaken by things like crabgrass, corn and several other huge things that come from using one's horse manure as fertilizer.

Plus, windows, all of them, need washing, the washing needs washing and my hands hurt from all the pulling and tugging. I'm convinced if I moved away for one year and left this property to care for itself I would return to find it completely covered in vines, weeds and cobwebs. Nature claims it's space back as soon as we allow it to. I'm not sure if fighting nature is what I wanted to devote my time to, so much of my life to, but, I seem to be doing just that.

Not being able to stay focused for longer than 5 minutes isn't helping either. I got out the ladder, which weighs about 2 tons, and decided to wash the windows on the west side of the house, but oh look, the bushes need trimmed back before I can do that, so I got out the trimmer and, oh look again, I've managed to cut the cord right in half with the trimmer.

The bushes win, again.

Beauty in the weeds

There will always be hard times to go through, confusion, chaos, war, breakups, death. That is part of life. No big discovery on my part here, just thinking how important it is to keep your eye on the Prize. Make Heaven a significant part of your thinking when facing a problem, it helps keep things in balance.

I've been in the pits of despair, feeling so sad no one could reason with me. Only what I had experienced as love, held me through it.

See this sunflower? It was planted by a bird in the midst of zillions of mosquitoes that prevented me from weeding the flower bed. Everytime I look at it I think about the strength of faith, arising from despair and weeds, planted by a common bird, becomes a creation of God.

That is what we are, children of God. If I ponder on this fact, I feel connected with Him and the rest of His children here and in Heaven, filling me with a humble strength that quiets my mind, slows down my steps and I can once again breathe.

Yes, I am a child of God as well as a common sinner walking this earth, making mistakes and praying for mercy. I'm not a religious zealot or feel holier than thou.

I just miss my loved ones who've died, I tell God that I don't understand things at all, but quietly wait, trusting Him. I get up each day and do my best for my family and for myself. I laugh a lot, too....joke around, chop wood and carry water.

We are all so much alike, it's only fear that keeps us apart.

Hay!

Morning chores: Feed dog, feed horse, feed sheep, feed birds, feed husband and finally sit down and drink a hot cup of coffee. This goes on rain or shine, snow or sleet. Going out to the barn every morning and evening can be a drag, especially if I'm not feeling chipper.

(To the right, is Betty waiting for me to feed.)

But most of the time, even during snowstorms it's an adventure of sorts. Being a part of this world has taught me much. Nancy, the horse, is a two-eyed jack registered quarter horse who is now 26 years old.

"All I pay my psychiatrist is the cost of feed and hay, and she'll listen to me any day."

_Author Unknown

She wouldn't be worth ten cents to most people, she has arthritis and some other feet troubles but to us she is worth her weight in gold. And we spoil her rotten!

Do I ride her, heck no! As Roy Rogers put it, "When you are young you fall off a horse and you may break something, when you are my age, you splatter."

I don't think I would splatter necessarily, but for sure it wouldn't be good.

So, when your daughter is 14 and talks you into getting a horse, then leaves home ten years later and you are the one left holding the hay hook, ......it makes ya think. Pets are a big commitment but a way bigger blessing!

You cannot escape God's Love

Back in 1981 a miracle began and is still happening. Many scoff or simply don't want to believe because of mindset, but I do, from personal experience, believe that Our Lady has given these messages to help us. This happens on the 25th of each month via the children of Medjugore.

That's the background in a nutshell but there is tons more to research if you would like.

Many people including many Catholics are not aware of this gift from God.

I was reading some of the messages and came across this one which I thought might be of help to anyone who happens upon this site:

"Dear Children, I invite you to decide to love God above all else. In this time when due to the spirit of consumerism one forgets what it means to love and cherish true values, I invite you again, little children, to put God first place in your life. Do not let Satan attract you through material things, little children, but decide for God who is freedom and love. Choose life and not death of soul...................."

She said she came so that not one of her children would be lost. For 27 years now, she pleads for us and to us. It's a serious matter. Probably more serious than any of us can comprehend. But, ask questions! Ask God about this and wait for His answer, if you like.

Or you can chalk it all up to crazy people.

Either way, no matter what religion, etc., you cannot escape God's love♥

That's a relief!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eleven, eleven, eleven

The other evening, after a long day of being moody and sad, full of fear and dread, ( ya know, the usual for a scorpian), I needed a positive message or sign, so I got out my dad's bible. I opened it up and saw his handwriting and just could not help but cry.

11/11/11 his birthday. He was so proud of that date and being English.

As I was reading through the bible almost every verse my eyes rested on was about taking courage, keeping the faith, and knowing God is with me.

I remember reading some of these very verses with dad. They say the Holy Spirit helps you to remember, even people like me, menopausal.

Ha, ha, very funny.

Anyway, it amazes the heck out of me how when you love someone, that love continues even after death, which is just a change, not an end. Love never ends. NEVER. Thank goodness!

He is in Heaven and still tries to soothe my nerves with reassurance. Many daughters see their fathers as heroes, as the strongest man ever.

I'm like that.

But don't call me a daddy's girl. It's a respect, gratitude and adoration thing. He shared his weaknesses and failures with me, which helped to make me strong.

In the Bible where Jesus said "where you are weak, I am strong" or maybe it was "when" either way, I love that verse. It's full of hope.

Lately I've been feeling the ever present fact I have no control over anything, not really. That feeling is debilitating and leaves me feeling weak, so perhaps that is when the Lord is strong?

Also I noticed my father marked his entire bible with tons of symbols and dates, but I have no clue what in the world they mean????!!!!

(His nickname was Pete) The verses below from the book of Psalms was marked near the end of his life. He claimed them for his own.

And, they came true.